I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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