I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize