omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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