it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
