dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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