Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
