She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
