He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
