So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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