come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
