remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
