theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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