Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
