At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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