she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
