Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
