We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
