Even the bartender felt bad for me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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