I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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