I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
