someone threw a dead crab at me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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