Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
