This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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