I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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