She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize