Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
