i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
