That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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