my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
cat food counts as protein by the way
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
