headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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