Screwed.edu
is wine microwaveable?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
