Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
