You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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