I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize