Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
