Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
