You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
