Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
