can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
