Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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