So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
