He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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