Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
