He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
