omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
