he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
