Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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