You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
pray to the hookup gods
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
