Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
