Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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