she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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