I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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