yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
