Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
