Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
