I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
