I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
