from now on my penis is your penis
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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