I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
