Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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