I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
