u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
