I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize