oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
