and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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