Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
