oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As shirtless as possible
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
