I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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