Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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