if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
